Resident Bigfoot
by rainbowpanget
Summary: Jubilee's take on the mansion's resident Bigfoot, the mighty Wolverine. -Humor-


**Title: Resident Bigfoot**

**Author: MalinkaPinka14**

**A/N: This is the sequel to "Characteristics of…well it really", by JoJo1, whom I praise for having given me this idea. Her story was Logan's take on Jubilee, but this can be read with or without reading it's companion.**

**Alright, you guys, hope you enjoy this! Mind you all, this is Jubilee, so when you read it, note that all sentences are to be said with varying intonation and pitch. :P Enjoy!**

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**Pop.**

**Whoosh.**

**Pop.**

Okay.

Everyone knows me. Jubilation Lee, but the only ones who call me that are the ones lookin' for a good paff in the face. Apart from the Professor of course.

Not that I mean the Professors lookin' for a good paff in the face, I just meant that he's the only one who can call me that without getting paffed in the face.

Ditto.

Yep, it's me, Jubilation Lee; just Jubilee, mind you; insane gum chewer and all around noisy chica.

I know everyone round these parts, inside and out. And when I say I know everyone, I mean _everyone._

That's what _I_ thought until I met _Him_.

I don't even know if he's _qualified_ to _be_ a person!

I just can't get my head round the subject in question.

I mean, Ive had my fair share of weird stuff, like that incident with the pink hair and Krazy Glue, dont ask, but this guy I'm talking about is just plain WEIRD!

All's I know is that he's of male specimen, duh, is extremely hairy, and his vocabulary is only comprised of the words "beer", "bub", and insane swearwords. Apart from that, everything else is a growl.

Now don't get me wrong, this dude's a decent guy, or so everyone else seems to think, since they let this homicidal Bigfoot onto the X-men team.

Personally, I think that name needs some changin'. I mean, X-men? It makes them sound like creepy transsexuals or something. Might as well be "former men, now women!".

No 'ffense to whoever came up with it, although I bet it was Cyke.

Heh.

But, although the team name's a bit wankers, the guys round these parts are fairly decent, 'specially Baldy and Big Blue.

Big Blue is probably the complete opposite of this loon that I told you about, apart from them both being hairy ferals.

_Hank's_ all smiles, even after listening to my hour-long rants, and _he_ is smart, and I mean REALLY smart.

Resident Bigfoot has a permanent scowl on his face, and the only time it even stretches to something similar to a smile is when he's attacking someone!

_Hank_ greets you with more than two words, and _he_ has a vocabulary so large that you could fit Juggernaut in it.

Not that I would want to fit that nasty bugger in anywhere, though. I mean, that Juggernaut's got a nasty rant, even worse than mine, and Jean always covers my ears every time we go to fight 'im.

Something to do with improper things for a young lady's ears or so and so…

Heh.

What's the use of covering my ears, though? When you're as noisy as me, you draw enough provocation to hear the most colorful of cusses, 'specially from our hairy subject in question.

That's another thing! This… Bigfoot dude has got the most colorful stuff spewing out of his mouth! I'd think he'd put a sailor to shame, mind you.

And he yelled all of them cusses at me just because I threw a magnet at him.

I didn't know that he had 300 pounds of metal attached to his skeleton, Bobby just told me to do it! Obviously, this guy's got absolutely NO sense of humor. I don't know what my girl Rogue sees in him.

I bet his temper's all because of the meat he eats! I mean, Hank's a feral too, but that's no excuse to eat meat and ONLY MEAT! I once tried sneaking a piece of broccoli onto his plate, and not just cause I didn't want to eat it, then he nearly skewers me!

Seems like his butt's always glued to the couch with a beer and beef jerky in one hand and his ugly flannel shirt on him!

I think this guy's running for some contest to win the most stereotypical Canadian in the world. Flannel Shirt, Canadian Mist beer, hockey games and sideburns? I mean, come on!

I remember that time I hid his beer. Pissed him right off, it did, I just thought that his temper was because he was always drunk! Bobby and John never told me he had a healing factor so he was always sober!

Nearly got skewered then, too.

Yeah, one thing's fer sure! We don' need two homicidal, flannel-wearing Canadians around the mansion! One Logan is definitely enough.

**Fin**

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I was aiming for the way Jubes tends to rant a lot, so it's fine if you guys see it as a bit jumbled. How'd ya'll like it?

**I'll be waiting for your comments!**

**Just clicky clicky the purple button down there. :D**

**Cheers!**

**MalinkaPinka14**


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